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Floating and fighting, like a kite on a string [entries|friends|calendar]

Got the passion for the fashion and the looks to loot. Me and my creeps work these broken down streets, looking for some kicks. And we got the attitude and we got that lust
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[ mood | cynical ]

Humans never cease to amaze me.

It's so ridiculous. How can people care that much about what others think? Why can't you just have your own opinion and own mind..and go with it. I mean to an extent yes-you should care what others think. But why should you listen to a certain type of music..or dress a certain way just because THEY WANT YOU TO.

Why is it that last year when you wore leggings down to your mid-calf you got stared at and made fun of, but now because they're being sold in popular stores..it's now "OKAY" for people to wear them.

Why is it that people pay $100+ for jeans from Abercrombie simply because they're made by "Abercrombie". Don't lie to yourself..that's mainly why you buy them. Do you get satisfaction out of people seeing the 2 arched lines on your back pockets? Ask yourself..would you buy the EXACT same jeans (minus the tag&the arched lines on the back pocket) from Wal-Mart that were identical to the pair you saw in Abercrombie?? I highly doubt you would. LAME .

Sorry..I've been thinking about stupid stuff like this lately. Stuff that severely pisses me off for no apparent reason. I realize half my best friends are commitors of the "crimes" I was complaining about above..hahah. I just felt like putting down what I felt.

Yesterday was such a shitty day. It almost seems like those are the only kind of days I'm having lately?

I've realized that I'm done with Livejournal. I never really update anymore..and neither does anyone else. That was the whole reason why I stayed..cause I always loved reading others updates. Maybe I'll do it once in a great while or something? But I'm sick of complaining to people who don't really know me that well.

I'm in a cynical mood & I feel like I basically can't count on anyone anymore. It's been a rough past few weeks. Come to think of it..it's been a rough past 384623462783469236466239461298763127631982763162381623 weeks. I'm sick of feeling shitty 70% of the time. I feel like I deserve to be happy. I guess I just have to seek out happiness all by myself.

People are really shitty sometimes..and that annoys the heck out of me. I don't know why anyone would ever want to deliberately make someone feel so horrible. Especially people they care about. It doesn't make any sense to me. Are you that insecure with yourself..that you have to go around day to day making people feel like absolutely crap? Well I just don't know.

The questions I've stated aren't neccessarilly directed towards specific people. Just me ranting away.


My big sis is muhhh liiffee ! [03.14.06]
[ mood | sad ]

So basically..things are going pretty fuckin shitty lately.

Found out yesterday that my sister is leaving..Friday !!? I was supah sad..& all I did was cry and cry. Stayed home from school today to spend the day with her..didn't do much though. We're going out tonite though & I'm excited (:

I truly do not know what I'm going to do without her. She's my rock and my protector. She's the ONLY person that has been there for me my whole life unconditionally & no matter what. I realize she's only going to be in Maryland. But I'm hardly ever going to see her at all. Hopefully we'll talk all the time. She's coming back in May for a few weeks though, for her graduation at Crackintosh :D

My goal is to go down there April vaca & spend some time with her. It's also her birthday week !

I'm extremely happy for her though. I know she needs to get out of this area really bad. Everything's just dragging her down and turning negatively for her. I'm glad to see she's finally getting the opportunity to leave. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I feel like I'm going to be miserable and lonely off and on for awhile. I'm going to be lost without her.

ELIZABETH WEISMANTEL-ilu so much. & I could never tell you exactly how much. Thank you so much for all that you've done, I truly owe you my life and more♥

?? !


[ mood | disappointed ]

After a 7 day drinking binge..my mother went into rehab/detox. She recently got out and is in intense therapy and AA meetings. She's being nice to me, so I guess I can't complain. It's just so fucking weird having my mom sober for literally--the first time in my life.

My boyfriend moved to Alton..and is starting at Prospect Mtn. next week. I'll probably never see him anymore..maybe like once a week? It pisses me off..cause I really want things to work between us. I don't think he knows how much I like him.

Last Friday nite my drinkin' partner almost fucking died from alcohol poisoning. Not to mention I hadn't eaten in 12 hours and drank way too much Bacardi&Coke. I got fuckin shitfaced..puked my guts up all nite and ended up with a black eye.

My dad said some shit to me the other nite that made me breakdown..ball my eyes out..and hypervenalate. It was supah lots of fun.

I can't get a job cause I'm not 16 yet..I have no money to spend EVER.

I'm not depressed anymore..which is good. Cause I was for like the past 2 months.

I'm sick of things being shitty--I want them to be good. I want to be ultra happy. I want to love my life. I want to do fun stuff. I want to hang out with good friends. I want to meet new people. I want to experience new things.

My friends are pretty amazing..for the most part. & they're basically what keeps me going from day to day. So thanks to all your wondrous kids !

I HATE DRAMA AND RUMORS AND STUPID GIRLS WHO THINK THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT WHEN THEY REALLY HAVE NO CLUE. Stop being immature and lame..get your facts straight before you go telling people stuff. Don't get into things that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

All school does is piss me the heck off and stresses my brain out of my head. I skipped the second half of the day with Chels and Krista. It was a pretty dandy time (: If I was lame..I would drop out. Oh wait--I am !? But I know I'd never do that. But I sure as hell want to.

I haven't really been seeing my sister lately. She took over Jade's job of being a hostess at Isis. She's working mad hours. I miss her a lot..& I still don't want her to move away.

I get angry way too easily lately..and it makes me want to cry. It seems as if I just can't control my anger or something? I haven't been like that since I was little. Well uhhh yea .


♥ lamo !


& I promise by the time that we get through..the world will never ever be the same.& you're to blame [02.12.06]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

This past weekend was amazing.

Friday nite: Spent it at Corey's with Jade and Kyle. Had a darn good time with some of my faves :)

Saturday: Stayed at Corey's till around 3..got home and got stuff ready. Drove up with Camie+Janetos to Cranmore to see the Railjam there for a bit. Got some free posters. Taylor won prizes ;D

Saturday nite: Spent it up North Conway in a house with Dani+Taylor+Camie+Janetos..had some fun.

Sunday: Skiing at Sunday River with the above. Had an okay time..stayed in the 2nd half of the day cause I was way too chilled.

Sunday nite: Spent the nite at Chelsea's house with Jenna. Watched Men's Downhill racing. Cheered on Bode..but he didn't win :x But he did damn good so we didn't care. Laughed our butts off at stupid things the whole nite. Eventually triple spooned and cuddled the remainder of the nite I♥thoseladies !

Monday: Got up way too early..around 5ish? Went to the school and boarded the bus. Left Spaulding and headed to Sunapee Mountain for Girl's States for Ski Team. I got a note written and was able to ride the bus :] Passed out the whole way up. Got my supah cute+huge Ski Team hoodie♥ Stayed outside sitting in a chair all day taking times and cheering on my teammates..the sun was my best friend today, minus the fact that my feet and hands were cold. Had a nice day for the most part..boarded the bus and left. Ladies came 10th out of 13 I believe?! I was proud of all of them :) Went out to eat at UNO's..talked with Chels, Jenna, Robert, and Matt the whole time...had an amazing time. Ate some yummy food ! Headed home..fun way home as well.

Tonite: Came home and smoked a bit with my sister and a few boys. Then I showered and ate some food. At the moment I'm in the process of doing my poster on Dr. Seuss for Children's Lit. So far I think it kicks ass..and usually I don't think that about my slacked off school projects. I'm almost done..just gotta look up a bit more info. Then I think I'm gunna head right to bed. Not before I read some of The Catcher In The Rye..did I mention it's my fave!?

Even though I had a fantastic weekend, I can't help but think that my school day tomorrow is going to absolutely suck. For some reason I'm just getting this feeling. After taking that stupid "What does your Candy Heart Say?"..[I got GET REAL] I've been thinking. I am cynical in a lot of areas of my life. I guess I'm noticing it a lot lately because Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I honestly think it's the poorest excuse for a holiday. To me..if you really love someone you shouldn't just show it in a big way once a year. You should pound your love in their faces and hearts EVERY day.

Sometimes I don't believe in love so much..romantically anyway. I mean..the one love I ever knew I got my heart totally broken..& I still don't feel the same. All the people around me that supposedly "love eachother" are more horrible together than anything. They continuously fight and bicker and make eachother sad. To me..that's not what love is whatsoever. The person you're with should make you happy..not sad. They should bring out the best in you..not the worst. I guess the whole entire thing just confuses me. The human race is way too complex and creepy for my humble mind.

Hopefully Kyle and I have a semi-cute day tomorrow though. Just watch a movie or something? I like him a lot..and I want this to work out really bad. It's just so complicated though?

Did LJ change tons of the codes or something?! My lay-out's all fucked up now :[

I'm such a fucking pessimist.


journal update [02.03.06]
[ mood | sad ]

School wasn't too bad Friday. Pretty boring and stuff. Ya know?-the usual. D block was weird..and it made me think about a lot of stuff that I really didn't want to think about. Uhhhh !

Afterschool me, Jade, Kyle, and Core got picked up by my mom and we ran a few errands. Then we came here, did the smoke thing, did the pizza thing, did the tv thing for what felt like a very long time. It was quite boring and stupid, but that's how my house always is. Exactly why I'm never here (: But at least I had the 3 most amazing people evahhhh with me hehe.

Finally got to leave..caught a ride with my sister to Core's. The following was one of the best afternoons that turned into nite that turned into morning that turned into afternoon again that I've had in awhile. A couple of people stopped in all through the nite, but it was mostly just us 4. Those kids are totally my life and stuff. We talked[a lot] and drank and smoked[a lot]..it was wonderful♥ I didn't sleep at all and I didn't care. Left with my sister about 4 on Saturday.

Came home and Dani+Taylor pulled in RIGHT AFTER. It was cute :] I missed my 2 tripod faves a lot. We had a pretty chill nite..didn't do too much. Went back to Dani's then ended up leaving to go to Home Depot and Wal-Mart. Came back and I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. I had been awake for over 40 hours, so I guess that's understandable hahah. They started Charlie&theChocolateFactory, but I just headed to bed. Taylor came in the next morning forcing us to get up. Dani of course had no problem with that..she said she was shocked to have slept so late. Now mind you--it was 10 ! I have some cool friends ;D

Taylor had to be home by 11 so Dani drove him when I stayed there. Drew a bath and lounged for a bit. Dani and I ended up just hanging out all day and stuff. I was seriously so happy to see her though. Even though we didn't really do anything at all..it was just to enjoy her company.

Super Bowl's on..I could kind of careless though. It's cool when the Patriot's are in it, but other than that I'm not too into it. So basically it's a boring nite..possibly filled with homework if I get that desperate :x Hah. I have a lot though..and I'm not looking foward to it whatsoever.


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